I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
