Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
