Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
