I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
