if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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