I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
