is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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