Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
