she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
barbara walters just said penis...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
