Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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