pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
