Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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