Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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