Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
