I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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