I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
