wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
