normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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