I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
