I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
