I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
