return my video game
so explain again why im purple
no
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
