I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
