She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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