I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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