dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How external is "for external use only"?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
