i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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