She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
