I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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