at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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