Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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