So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
