She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
