Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My dick has a subreddit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
