i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
