I need help removing her.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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