I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
