I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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