He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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