Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
