i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
