I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
