i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
