I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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