We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
