Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
