Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She even gives head with a lisp.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
