your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
