doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
