I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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