Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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