Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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